Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Dating a Single Mom of a Kiddo(s) with Autism

Simply because us mommies deserve a guide book about our awesomeness.... and a laugh, while we're at it.

Reasons why you SHOULD date a Single Mom of a Kiddo(s) with Autism:
  1. We can make a mean peanut butter and jelly sandwich. We know how to make gluten and dairy free mac and cheese rock your world.  
  2. You know how we are as a mom, so you know we'll be just as good with your babies should we have more in the future.
  3. We don't run away from life when it gets tough. You know we'll never abandon you if you get hurt or sick, nor will we do it to our kids. Rather, we'll become an advocate and a warrior, ensuring you and/or the kiddo gets exactly what is needed.  Conversations about discipline, education programs, brain waves, therapies, poop, biomedical treatment, legislation, and the like are not foreign to us. We are masterminds and advocates on everything we need to know about what life has brought us through our circumstances. We even try to make the crappy situations as positive as we can. 
  4. Your bodily functions won't phase us. "Gross" isn't in our vernacular. We've been pooped, puked, and peed on more than once. If you have something in your teeth, telling you won't be awkward.
  5. We have our priorities in order, and know exactly what we want & what we are looking for. We know how to identify and appreciate a good man, and a good friend, because of life experiences.  
  6. We know how to kill our own spiders, and pull our own weeds. Thank-you-very-much. We are independent, low maintenance, and don't have time for gossip or drama. We are used to doing things for ourselves.
  7. You know that if we aren't with you, we are with our kids or making our lives better through education and our careers. We don't have time to play the field, or play mind games.  We are less promiscuous than other single ladies. We don't have energy to exert to being out all night, and are cautious about the results of getting physical. We know how to enjoy being home on a Friday night, know exactly who we are, and won't pretend otherwise. We also don't need a constant check-in with you to have esteem in a relationship.
  8. We are financially savvy, and know how to budget like a Fortune 500 corporation. We can make our 5 year old pair of jeans and our house full of Goodwill furniture look good. We aren't used to being spoiled, and we have plans on how to reach our own success if we haven't gotten there yet. We put our kid's medical bills and gluten, casein, & soy free diet before our Jimmy Choos and martinis.
  9. We are patient and nurturing, even when we are getting hit, bit, and kicked by our kiddo. We know how to forgive, and understand that no one is perfect. (Though we should point out that we won't be patient with you trying this on us...)
  10. We don't mind your minor flaws like how you brush your teeth. Actually, your quirks are probably something we don't even notice, let alone get phased by. We are much more thankful that you didn't pee on the wall or in your pants than we are concerned about your putting the toilet seat lid back down.
  11. We know how to truly love someone. We know how to give it without always receiving it in return.
  12. We never under-appreciate when love is expressed, in any form. We hear love even in our kiddo's wordless moments.  We will never undervalue things you tell us or do for us, or our kids. We appreciate the little things. Weeds are our flowers. A scribbled stick-figure is art. A macaroni necklace beats Tiffany & Co. any day (though, we don't mind it!!)

Reasons why you should be CAUTIOUS and AWARE about dating us Mommies:
  1. If you meet our kids, know that you are an exception. Getting attached is highly likely, and your perceptions about the world... especially disabilities.. will likely change. 
  2. We have less time to date, and may cancel because of our priorities. If we do, take note and remember our favorite romantic comedy at Blockbuster, and our kiddo's favorite GFCFSF snack. Just because we cancel doesn't mean we don't want to see you.
  3. Childcare arrangements can be a pain in the butt. Luckily, we understand and agree to this. Another excuse to be amazing with the movies and snacks...
  4. You won't be top priority. Our kids fill that spot.  If you don't like our kids, you better know not to let the door hit you on your way out. Our kids will always be first.
  5. Words like stupid or retarded will be added to your "bad word" list. You'll learn how to be compassionate for others, and not have your head stuck in the place where the sun don't shine.
  6. It can be difficult to gain our trust, but once you do, you'll have it all until you prove that you don't deserve it.
  7. You will be under constant scrutiny. The first sign of an unforgivable flaw will make us run for it.
  8. We can be Type A (read: controlling) simply because we are used to having to be our kid's everything and maintain the order/stability.

What Am I missing?? Let me know, and I'll add it!  :)


  1. Amen to that! :) Thanks for a great post!

  2. Luv it.! Thanks for saying what we can't always put into words.!

  3. I have had a very positive experience in online dating, so I highly recommend to all my friends. I started online dating a year ago, and have had many funs, interesting dates, one 6-month relationship that just didn’t work out, and now am in a relationship with a wonderful man who treats me like a queen.
    Maybe I’m the exception rather than the rule, but by following the advice I’ve got from my friends who use, I haven’t had any nightmare dates, and all the men I went out with were just what they said they were online

  4. "If you meet our kids, know that you are an exception."

    "We have less time to date, and may cancel because of our priorities."

    "You won't be top priority. Our kids fill that spot."

    "You will be under constant scrutiny."

    "We can be Type A (read: controlling)..."

    Who you are to demand so much crap from a guy? What kind of selfish person would ever want to make another human being endure this? This is what I wonder...

    I dated once a mother of a child with Autism. Back then I was clueless about this. She was an amazing woman. I fell in love with her. She felt like my soul mate. I really tried my best to get along with the little kid. I even babysit him few times. I gave him toys and sweets. I took him to the park. I endured his tantrums and bath him. I really tried with my whole heart because I really loved his mother.

    But he was... oh well no words to describe this little kid. He was like a little mindless monster!
    Grabbing and destroying everything. Opening doors, yelling, biting screaming... ALL THE TIME...

    In the end this was just too much for me to handle. I will NEVER ever ever, not in a million years date another woman with a kid with autism... I am done with this.

    1. Do you understand that when children have the tantrums and meltdowns, they can't help it any more than someone can help having cancer. It is difficult, but you have met one child with autism. Everyone is different. To answer your question about who is someone to demand this of a guy, why would you demand a mother be otherwise, so she isn't being "selfish." I'm sorry you had a bad experience, but you may have denied yourself something great by "being done with this. "